Forgive

“I am sorry if you are feeling that way”

I never know the magic behind this sentence until my friend taught me about it. How it resonates with me, and how it keeps remind me that you cant control what other people feel or act. You can only control yourself.

Forgiveness, never been easy. Especially when you get hurt or the one that you loved get hurt as well.
But, “I am so sorry if you are feeling that way and I hope you find the peace that you look for,”.

Balance

“I want my normal life back,” she said desperately as we talked about various of events and experiences that we faced in the past few years.

I, also, sometimes think and miss my “normal” life. Or the feeling of being (what I thought is) normal. Sometimes, not knowing everything feels much better.

But what is normal anyway? Who can determine certain situation is “normal” or not.

These past few weeks felt like a roller-coaster experience for me. While I’m tapping into the new world and slowly taking steps into this new environment, I am still having my old life.

Maybe, in the end, I have to create my own reality and standard on being normal. Or find a balance in between, so I could live in these two different worlds.

Self Journey 2020: Eat, Pray, Love (?)

I am aware that when I’m writing this experience, it will show how much privilege and opportunity that I have compare to anyone who read this. In the time when its easy for people to get access of you (by looking through your social media), sometimes I have to be more careful when I want to share anything. And that’s also one of the reasons why I feel reluctant to write in my blog.

But, anyway…

2020 is tough for everyone. Like the rest of you, I also struggling. But it is true, we may face the same storm but we actually in different boat. But for me personally, 2020 is really forced me to face myself. Finding the truth and the journey is all about understanding myself better.

I will always remember the beginning of 2020 as the time when our former house got flooded, dad got heart attack, then the pandemic arrived. During that time, I met a friend of a friend who triggered me with my truth. Just like a normal human being, I was not ready and shocked. And did the thing I do very best: suppress my feeling. But, life is not “normal” anymore. It changes me forever.

Then COVID-19. The virus changes our life forever and it forces us to stay at home, not meeting people, social distancing and…. facing yourself alone. Have you ever sit alone and only with yourself? All of our life, we always keep ourselves busy, distract with work, friends, hobbies…. then, you are all alone and you have to face your biggest fear: yourself. It made me realize how rare the opportunity. And I was afraid, sitting alone, talking with my thoughts, a lot of fears, insecurities, worst case scenario and all. I meditate and I cried, because I never really connect to myself. I accepting the situation, try to be positive and productive. But yea, it just temporary. Because there’s still something missing.

Fast forward, I made a big decision in my life. I moved from Jakarta and decided to live in Bali around September 2020. As I always work remotely (since most of my projects are outside Indonesia, so means no business travel), its very possible to work from anywhere. And I always wanted to work and live in Bali, well who doesn’t???

I always live in fear in Jakarta. Fear of the virus, fear of the needs to accomplish big things, fear if something bad will happen to my family. But in Bali, I feel so so much alive and finally I can breath. Bali is very quiet and peaceful. You start to see the different Bali. I feel much more productive with work, I met a lot of new people and friends, I enjoy the nature (beach!) and many more. Living in Bali is about balancing. The community here are very spiritual and bring value in everything. And in Bali, I discover another truth about myself.

It’s never easy to accept your truth as we always living based on what society wants. Especially if you are growing in that kind of environment. It’s quite amazing journey, tho, and I met with a lot of people with similar characteristics. At first, I thought it will be a very lonely journey because I thought not everyone will understand this path. But, Bali is really the place where any kind of people will be here! lol. So yea, I am excited with the journey and slowly discover another thing from me.

2020 taught me to be stronger and test us what compassion really mean. I do hope that whoever read this will at least be much happier.

I cant wait for 2021 and more adventure with myself ❤